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But I Am The Hammer - Castiel/Elle Bishop - SPN/Heroes Crossover - Crack!fic PG-13
Title: But I Am The Hammer
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
force_oblique
Rating: PG-13 - ;)innuendo (nothing graphic just talking)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Castiel/Elle Bishop - mostly poor Castiel's POV
Spoilers/Warnings: General fic - no spoiler, Crack!Fic
Summary: “I don't think you are grasping the gravity of the situation Elle!”
“Hmm, I'd rather grasp something else, instead!” she points out and he rolls his eyes.
He was Castiel. A truly fearsome angel, a mighty Warrior of the Lord. He had led the war against the legions of Darkness and here this little blond was almost putting him to shame.
Author's Notes: This is what happens when you go completely insane. When you are talking with people as insane as yourself...there's no escape. It was beyond my control!
Dedicated to:
glass_fawn: Lori, this one is for you! You know why! Hope you like the finished version!!
spankingfemme: There's something you might enjoy...allusions ftw!
blaithacs: Emilita, I hope you enjoy this! Castiel FTW!!!
Crossposted to Heroes and SPN communities and also at :![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
heroes_crack, elle_tric ellecrossing and spn_castiel
Elle Bishop /Castiel --- Castiel POV
“Yes, Father!” he replies like the obedient son that he is.
He used to take pride in that. He asked no questions and did what was necessary.
For HE was The Wrath and Castiel Was his Hammer.
He turns on his ethereal heels and goes on his way.
New York the file says.
“Oh damn!” he blurts out and immediately covers his mouth with his hand.
*No cursing till you are out of his hearing range! You have to remember that, idiot!/*
“I meant splendid my Lord! Just splendid” he titters being oh so adorable.
But damn, why couldn't it be Las Vegas or at least a certain pink/red district in Amsterdam??
At least he would get to see some eye candy, something to make his eternity a little less dull.
Elle Bishop the file says.
Female (naturally, what does the Lord take us for? We are not retarded. After all, He made us!), petite, blonde(now we are talking!) with a fierce mouth and an even fiercer hand.
Hmmmm, this shouldn't be too difficult! He thinks to himself.
Easy operation. Move in, contain, smite a little, move out.
Or so he thought...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spreading his wings, Castiel flies to his target. He is there in a matter of seconds.
He sees the blonde girl, twirling stray strands of her hair between her thumb and index finger as she looks out of the window in the facility.
She is in a long white tshirt that leaves only a little to the imagination he doesn't lack. He is an Angel, not dead...
Well practically he was never alive either....
Hmmmm... too early for philosophical questions...
For a few minutes he just stares.
She is tiny.
And she keeps playing with her hair in such a teasing way...
He gets disoriented and goes cross-eyed.
He slaps himself… Hard! Just to snap out of it. It doesn't work, so he slaps himself again.
He was there on business!
*get a hold of yourself angel*
“Elle Bishop” he bellows, his voice like the wrath of God!
So much that it feels as if the whole room is vibrating...
“Whaaa-at?” Elle turns to see what it's all about, expecting to see someone like King Kong or something but all she sees is a handsome man who looks at her weird and slaps himself… A lot!
“Who the hell are you?” she asks.
“Tsssk, language lady! My name is Castiel and I am an Angel Of The Lord” he says matter-of-factly.
“Haha, yeah! And my name is Elle and I am my Daddy's angel” she replies sticking her tongue at him.
*little pink devil.... Aaarghhh focus!!!!*
Castiel approaches her.
“I don't think you are grasping the gravity of the situation Elle!”
“Hmm, I'd rather grasp something else instead!” she points out and he rolls his eyes.
He was Castiel.
A true angel, a mighty Warrior of the Lord.
He had led the war against the legions of Darkness and here this little blond was almost putting him to shame.
He struggled for the words.
“Elle Bishop? You have been a very bad girl!! You know that, right? Believe me there's nothing funny about what I was sent to do to you”
“I have been bad? Really? I must have been very good at being bad then, because it got me you!”
Castiel slaps himself again to regain focus and take his eyes off her cleavage.
“I have come here to SMITE you for your evilness! Beware the Lord's wrath!!” he blurts out in an effort to sound all formal and inescapable and scary.
He looks at her intensely as he gets even closer, his right hand outstretched ready to render her unconscious...
He is shocked when her expression doesn't change one bit.
This is usually the part where people start screaming.
What was wrong with this girl?
“I don’t even know what that means…” she shrugs and he gets his answer.
“Are you here to spank me or rape me?” she whispers and god is that hope in her eyes?
“Erm… *focus dammit* neither!” he stutters.
“I told you I have come to smite you for your evilness!” he tries again…
“Ok, so what does that mean?”
“Do you just stand there all self-righteous and lecture me or does it get more physical?”
“Whaaa? Lecture you? I am not lecturing you! I am an angel of the lord, dammit!”
“Who's using bad language now, mister?” she giggles.
“I am an Angel Of The Lord and you should be afraid, you should be scared!! Terrified actually! For I am The Hammer Of HIS Wrath!!”
“Oh, have you come to 'pound' me?” she asks again winking at him.
For a minute he just stares at her mouth agape.
Dear God, she winked at him. No one has ever done that to him before. He got winked at. Whooo!
Crazy thoughts begin entering his mind. Like writing a certain letter to a certain someone:
''Aaaaaaarghhhhhhh!! gkldhrahcjvdgg shvohdfohphdfl hglf!!!” [he is furious if you haven't guessed!]
Elle just grins and folds her hands over her chest.
“Dude, seriously, lay of the slapping yourself, because it has obviously damaged your brain”
Castiel feels steam forming inside of him.
He feels as if exploding!
“How Dare YOU? You are so disrespectful but I am The HAMMER!!!”
“Ok, comic fixation much? It's like you think you are Batman minus the cape!”
“I don't need a cape! I am an Angel! I have wings!!!”
“Well, don't fret it, it's obvious you think you are Batman but you are probably Joker, minus the creepy smile, plus the creepy slapping!!!”
“You.... You....You are nothing but a little, unimportant and annoying human. And you have no right to be cheeky and insolent!”
Elle fidgets but doesn't recoil.
“You know for an Angel you sure lose your calm a lot. Is there Angel Anger Management Classes in heaven too? If so you should join! It might help you a lot. Because slapping isn't healthy for you, you know? I am sure thats how all your problems started!”
“No, no!” Castiel shakes his head. “All my problems started when i came here to find you. I so regret it now!”
“What are you talking about? I am a joy to be around!”
“Only when you are sleeping darling and I doubt if it is a joy even then!” Castiel quips.
“What did you say? Oh, you are so toast!” the tiny blonde says and sends a jolt his way.
It hits Castiel in the arm and he decides that this is the last straw!
“That's it! I've had enough! Come here you...”
Elle sees him coming her way and tries to run away but she is not fast enough for that!
The last thing she sees before she loses consciousness is his hand on her forehead and the last thing she hears is his voice:
~ Fin ~
OFF TO READ THE SEQUEL?
If you enjoyed this, other Supernatural Fiction : HERE
Comments are love! They really are! ^^
Author:
force_obliqueRating: PG-13 - ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Castiel/Elle Bishop - mostly poor Castiel's POV
Spoilers/Warnings: General fic - no spoiler, Crack!Fic
Summary: “I don't think you are grasping the gravity of the situation Elle!”
“Hmm, I'd rather grasp something else, instead!” she points out and he rolls his eyes.
He was Castiel. A truly fearsome angel, a mighty Warrior of the Lord. He had led the war against the legions of Darkness and here this little blond was almost putting him to shame.
Author's Notes: This is what happens when you go completely insane. When you are talking with people as insane as yourself...there's no escape. It was beyond my control!
Dedicated to:
glass_fawn: Lori, this one is for you! You know why! Hope you like the finished version!!spankingfemme: There's something you might enjoy...allusions ftw!blaithacs: Emilita, I hope you enjoy this! Castiel FTW!!!Crossposted to Heroes and SPN communities and also at :
heroes_crack, elle_tric ellecrossing and spn_castielElle Bishop /Castiel --- Castiel POV
“Yes, Father!” he replies like the obedient son that he is.
He used to take pride in that. He asked no questions and did what was necessary.
For HE was The Wrath and Castiel Was his Hammer.
He turns on his ethereal heels and goes on his way.
New York the file says.
“Oh damn!” he blurts out and immediately covers his mouth with his hand.
*No cursing till you are out of his hearing range! You have to remember that, idiot!/*
“I meant splendid my Lord! Just splendid” he titters being oh so adorable.
But damn, why couldn't it be Las Vegas or at least a certain pink/red district in Amsterdam??
At least he would get to see some eye candy, something to make his eternity a little less dull.
Elle Bishop the file says.
Female (naturally, what does the Lord take us for? We are not retarded. After all, He made us!), petite, blonde(now we are talking!) with a fierce mouth and an even fiercer hand.
Hmmmm, this shouldn't be too difficult! He thinks to himself.
Easy operation. Move in, contain, smite a little, move out.
Or so he thought...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spreading his wings, Castiel flies to his target. He is there in a matter of seconds.
He sees the blonde girl, twirling stray strands of her hair between her thumb and index finger as she looks out of the window in the facility.
She is in a long white tshirt that leaves only a little to the imagination he doesn't lack. He is an Angel, not dead...
Well practically he was never alive either....
Hmmmm... too early for philosophical questions...
For a few minutes he just stares.
She is tiny.
And she keeps playing with her hair in such a teasing way...
He gets disoriented and goes cross-eyed.
He slaps himself… Hard! Just to snap out of it. It doesn't work, so he slaps himself again.
He was there on business!
*get a hold of yourself angel*
“Elle Bishop” he bellows, his voice like the wrath of God!
So much that it feels as if the whole room is vibrating...
“Whaaa-at?” Elle turns to see what it's all about, expecting to see someone like King Kong or something but all she sees is a handsome man who looks at her weird and slaps himself… A lot!
“Who the hell are you?” she asks.
“Tsssk, language lady! My name is Castiel and I am an Angel Of The Lord” he says matter-of-factly.
“Haha, yeah! And my name is Elle and I am my Daddy's angel” she replies sticking her tongue at him.
*little pink devil.... Aaarghhh focus!!!!*
Castiel approaches her.
“I don't think you are grasping the gravity of the situation Elle!”
“Hmm, I'd rather grasp something else instead!” she points out and he rolls his eyes.
He was Castiel.
A true angel, a mighty Warrior of the Lord.
He had led the war against the legions of Darkness and here this little blond was almost putting him to shame.
He struggled for the words.
“Elle Bishop? You have been a very bad girl!! You know that, right? Believe me there's nothing funny about what I was sent to do to you”
“I have been bad? Really? I must have been very good at being bad then, because it got me you!”
Castiel slaps himself again to regain focus and take his eyes off her cleavage.
(good back-up angel on his side says:) ->*repeat after me, you are an angel, you are not equipped for 'this'*
(bad back-up angel says:– who are you kidding…you don’t need backup for that =P)- *you haz fingers and tongue*
“I have come here to SMITE you for your evilness! Beware the Lord's wrath!!” he blurts out in an effort to sound all formal and inescapable and scary.
He looks at her intensely as he gets even closer, his right hand outstretched ready to render her unconscious...
He is shocked when her expression doesn't change one bit.
This is usually the part where people start screaming.
What was wrong with this girl?
“I don’t even know what that means…” she shrugs and he gets his answer.
“Are you here to spank me or rape me?” she whispers and god is that hope in her eyes?
“Erm… *focus dammit* neither!” he stutters.
“I told you I have come to smite you for your evilness!” he tries again…
“Ok, so what does that mean?”
“Do you just stand there all self-righteous and lecture me or does it get more physical?”
“Whaaa? Lecture you? I am not lecturing you! I am an angel of the lord, dammit!”
“Who's using bad language now, mister?” she giggles.
“I am an Angel Of The Lord and you should be afraid, you should be scared!! Terrified actually! For I am The Hammer Of HIS Wrath!!”
“Oh, have you come to 'pound' me?” she asks again winking at him.
For a minute he just stares at her mouth agape.
Dear God, she winked at him. No one has ever done that to him before. He got winked at. Whooo!
Crazy thoughts begin entering his mind. Like writing a certain letter to a certain someone:
Dear God,
Thanks for your hospitality in Heaven.
It's been awesome but let's face it, you are sooo dull and this girl is hotter than hell.
Please don't get upset.
Your high-blood pressure pills are in the bottom right cabinet of your office.
Also, please don't send Uriel to get me. I know he is one big, scary and creepy angel but seriously... can you say confidence issues?
And he eats chily a lot and I mean a lot. He probably doesn't have to come all the way down to be “heard” or “felt”.
You can do way better Father!
But don't worry I am sure Elle will be punishment enough for me. She is already pushy!
Toodles
Your son Castiel
''Aaaaaaarghhhhhhh!! gkldhrahcjvdgg shvohdfohphdfl hglf!!!” [he is furious if you haven't guessed!]
Elle just grins and folds her hands over her chest.
“Dude, seriously, lay of the slapping yourself, because it has obviously damaged your brain”
Castiel feels steam forming inside of him.
He feels as if exploding!
“How Dare YOU? You are so disrespectful but I am The HAMMER!!!”
“Ok, comic fixation much? It's like you think you are Batman minus the cape!”
“I don't need a cape! I am an Angel! I have wings!!!”
“Well, don't fret it, it's obvious you think you are Batman but you are probably Joker, minus the creepy smile, plus the creepy slapping!!!”
“You.... You....You are nothing but a little, unimportant and annoying human. And you have no right to be cheeky and insolent!”
Elle fidgets but doesn't recoil.
“You know for an Angel you sure lose your calm a lot. Is there Angel Anger Management Classes in heaven too? If so you should join! It might help you a lot. Because slapping isn't healthy for you, you know? I am sure thats how all your problems started!”
“No, no!” Castiel shakes his head. “All my problems started when i came here to find you. I so regret it now!”
“What are you talking about? I am a joy to be around!”
“Only when you are sleeping darling and I doubt if it is a joy even then!” Castiel quips.
“What did you say? Oh, you are so toast!” the tiny blonde says and sends a jolt his way.
It hits Castiel in the arm and he decides that this is the last straw!
“That's it! I've had enough! Come here you...”
Elle sees him coming her way and tries to run away but she is not fast enough for that!
The last thing she sees before she loses consciousness is his hand on her forehead and the last thing she hears is his voice:
”I should stick to brunettes! Ruby had great intuition grabbing that new body!”
~ Fin ~
OFF TO READ THE SEQUEL?
If you enjoyed this, other Supernatural Fiction : HERE
Comments are love! They really are! ^^