![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yllektraTitle: How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye? - Part 1
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
force_oblique
Rating: G, PG
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Blair - mention of other characters
Spoilers/Warnings: It's kind of vague but everything up to 1x13
Word Count: In Progress - This part: 1259
Summary: It is a take on the last scene of Chuck/Blair in episode 1x13
Author's Notes:This is my second Gossip Girl fiction and English is not my native language, so please don't hate me of it sucks!
Comments are appreciated. XD
Crossposted at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
blair_chuck & gossipgirlfic,chuckxbass
Lyrics: "Not Alright" By Smile Empty Soul - You can find the song Here
How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye? - Part One
He was sitting on a stool at the bar, his back turned on the other clients, just like the way he wanted it. He didn’t want to face anyone.
He didn’t even want to have to face himself.
Everything he had done, everything he was reduced to.
He had stooped too low. Too low even for him.
Texting Gossip Girl? Revealing everything? Of all the stupid things he could do, that was by far the stupidest, on top of the list.
He had no intention of doing it at first. He could clearly see how betrayed Nate would feel, how furious Blair would get.
{I should only want (I should only want)
The best for you
A happy life (happy life)
The skies are blue}
Her perfect face twisted, her cheeks red, her eyes glaring at him, rage oozing out of her.
But that would be something.
At least it would be something.
Anything was better than this indifference, this contempt.
He just wanted her to pay attention to him again.
Whether it was for a good or bad reason, it didn’t matter.
Just like publicity.
“You can’t be touching me” her voice echoed in his mind, when only a few days ago, she would kiss him as passionately as he did and she would purr in his ear.
“Have fun playing with yourself!” Playing? Was that what they’d been doing for the past few weeks? Was it a game to her? Something to pass the time, till Nate came back to her?
And him? Playing by himself?
Did she really think Chuck Bass was a toy for her enjoyment? A puppet whose strings she held wrapped around her finger?
Chuck Bass was not used to being treated like that.
The pain he had felt was so unfamiliar, it tore him apart just like a hurricane destroys everything in its wake, leaving no shelter.
And that was how he felt.
Like any goodness in him, everything good and loving in him had no shelter anymore.
Not inside him.
{The cuts I bare are deep and
And all they do is bleed
I wish I could release all
The hurt you've given me}
"Hurricane Blair" had blown everything away and all he was left with was what he knew best. Scheming, deceit, meanness, revenge.
His fingers had assumed a life of their own.
He could only watch as they typed the text message and though he knew he shouldn’t have, he felt content.
The way an arsonist gloats looking back at the mess he’s done, knowing he’ll get away with it or that even if he didn’t he would still get the last laugh.
He’d have destroyed something, put it up in flames.
He thought that part of him, that “Chuck” was gone or maybe dormant, like a latent factor, a silent partner but it seemed that he had taken control of him again.
If only it were that easy. But if it were, why would he find himself alone at that bar and not somewhere else partying wildly?
No, it seemed that the old “Chuck” wasn’t back for business just yet.
But he was doing a good job clawing his way out of the prison of morality his newly-found feelings of love had put him in.
He was this close to coming on top.
{I hope your not alright
I hope your not okay
And when you sleep at night
Dream of only me}
But instead of finding that reassuring – he had indeed had a good time all these years as his old-self- he didn’t want it to happen. He found it scary.
Because only after warm feelings had seeped their way into his heart, did he really
understand notions like caring for someone so much it burned.
And those butterflies, fluttering inside his stomach every time he saw her, every time he thought of her.
Damn it, they were still there. It was too soon.
Too soon for him to be able to pluck out all his love, all his affection for Blair.
It would take time and a lot of effort if it were ever possible at all.
Even at this moment, had she come to him, had she clung to him, he would have opened his arms, wrap them around her and never let go.
{I should only want (I should only want)
The best for you
A happy life (happy life)
The skies are blue}
But that had to stop.
He couldn’t be weak, even though his friendship with Nate was also destroyed. They’d been friends ever since he could remember.
{I can't let go
And all I know is then}{I know I need to forgive (forgive)
And hopefully forget
To leave the past behind is
Probably for the best}
But those damn butterflies….
They were still inside of him , flying anywhere they pleased, anywhere around his body, stinging as if they were wasps, so harshly that he thought everything inside him was swelling and it would make him explode.
It was already his third glass of whiskey, but it wasn’t working. Wasn’t alcohol supposed to numb the senses?
Make you forget? Make you think that nothing mattered?
Why wasn’t it working?
He kept swallowing down whiskey, lingering the alcohol in his mouth.
He wanted to forget how he felt for her, feel less.
He longed for drowsiness, oblivion, numbness…
And it had to start from somewhere.
It may as well be his mouth…
The mouth he used to kiss her, to feel her skin, sense her pulse grow faster.
The mouth which had developed a memory of its own, remembering every silky path it had traced on her skin, every kiss of her lips she had allowed.
Their intense lovemaking. Everything was tormenting him, setting him ablaze from within.
She had once told him that even though she adored all of God’s creations, those butterflies that floated inside him?
They had to die.
They had to be murdered.
Her words had stung at first.
It was like telling him that those feelings he had weren’t mutual.
That he was the one whose world had been moved by their chemistry.
It seemed that despite all of their chemical reaction, only his heart was flammable and burn it did.
{I hope your not alright
I hope your not okay
And when you sleep at night
Dream of only pain}
Till he couldn’t control the heat in him and words of fire, words meant to scorch made their way out of his mouth, trying to cause as much damage as they could.
And those butterflies stirred still…
At first he thought that the night would go on like this.
With him a potential butterfly murderer and her far far away.
It was with shock; hence that he saw her coming towards him.
But it wasn’t just seeing her, he could sense her, he would recognize the delicious sweetness of her natural scent anywhere, even through heavy perfumes.
Some piece of his soul broke off again, beginning to move afloat on his chest.
{The cuts I bare are deep and
And all they do is bleed
I wish I could release all
The hurt you've given me
I can't let go
And all I know is then}
Why was she here?
Had she finally seen he was the one for her?
He tried to force himself be calm, serene as if nothing mattered but he couldn’t stay human doing that.
As a human it hurt him too much to act like that.
{I hope your not alright
I hope your not okay
And when you sleep at night
Dream of only pain
I hope your not alright
I hope your not alright
I hope your not alright
I hope your not alright}
End of Part 1
Part Two (Final)
~ Other Chuck/Blair Fiction:
*Letters You Will Never Get-[1][2]
*This Toy Is Broken-[1]
*Bury Me Tonight - [1]
Author:
force_obliqueRating: G, PG
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Blair - mention of other characters
Spoilers/Warnings: It's kind of vague but everything up to 1x13
Word Count: In Progress - This part: 1259
Summary: It is a take on the last scene of Chuck/Blair in episode 1x13
Author's Notes:This is my second Gossip Girl fiction and English is not my native language, so please don't hate me of it sucks!
Comments are appreciated. XD
Crossposted at
blair_chuck & gossipgirlfic,chuckxbassLyrics: "Not Alright" By Smile Empty Soul - You can find the song Here
How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye? - Part One
He was sitting on a stool at the bar, his back turned on the other clients, just like the way he wanted it. He didn’t want to face anyone.
He didn’t even want to have to face himself.
Everything he had done, everything he was reduced to.
He had stooped too low. Too low even for him.
Texting Gossip Girl? Revealing everything? Of all the stupid things he could do, that was by far the stupidest, on top of the list.
He had no intention of doing it at first. He could clearly see how betrayed Nate would feel, how furious Blair would get.
{I should only want (I should only want)
The best for you
A happy life (happy life)
The skies are blue}
Her perfect face twisted, her cheeks red, her eyes glaring at him, rage oozing out of her.
But that would be something.
At least it would be something.
Anything was better than this indifference, this contempt.
He just wanted her to pay attention to him again.
Whether it was for a good or bad reason, it didn’t matter.
Just like publicity.
“You can’t be touching me” her voice echoed in his mind, when only a few days ago, she would kiss him as passionately as he did and she would purr in his ear.
“Have fun playing with yourself!” Playing? Was that what they’d been doing for the past few weeks? Was it a game to her? Something to pass the time, till Nate came back to her?
And him? Playing by himself?
Did she really think Chuck Bass was a toy for her enjoyment? A puppet whose strings she held wrapped around her finger?
Chuck Bass was not used to being treated like that.
The pain he had felt was so unfamiliar, it tore him apart just like a hurricane destroys everything in its wake, leaving no shelter.
And that was how he felt.
Like any goodness in him, everything good and loving in him had no shelter anymore.
Not inside him.
{The cuts I bare are deep and
And all they do is bleed
I wish I could release all
The hurt you've given me}
"Hurricane Blair" had blown everything away and all he was left with was what he knew best. Scheming, deceit, meanness, revenge.
His fingers had assumed a life of their own.
He could only watch as they typed the text message and though he knew he shouldn’t have, he felt content.
The way an arsonist gloats looking back at the mess he’s done, knowing he’ll get away with it or that even if he didn’t he would still get the last laugh.
He’d have destroyed something, put it up in flames.
He thought that part of him, that “Chuck” was gone or maybe dormant, like a latent factor, a silent partner but it seemed that he had taken control of him again.
If only it were that easy. But if it were, why would he find himself alone at that bar and not somewhere else partying wildly?
No, it seemed that the old “Chuck” wasn’t back for business just yet.
But he was doing a good job clawing his way out of the prison of morality his newly-found feelings of love had put him in.
He was this close to coming on top.
{I hope your not alright
I hope your not okay
And when you sleep at night
Dream of only me}
But instead of finding that reassuring – he had indeed had a good time all these years as his old-self- he didn’t want it to happen. He found it scary.
Because only after warm feelings had seeped their way into his heart, did he really
understand notions like caring for someone so much it burned.
And those butterflies, fluttering inside his stomach every time he saw her, every time he thought of her.
Damn it, they were still there. It was too soon.
Too soon for him to be able to pluck out all his love, all his affection for Blair.
It would take time and a lot of effort if it were ever possible at all.
Even at this moment, had she come to him, had she clung to him, he would have opened his arms, wrap them around her and never let go.
{I should only want (I should only want)
The best for you
A happy life (happy life)
The skies are blue}
But that had to stop.
He couldn’t be weak, even though his friendship with Nate was also destroyed. They’d been friends ever since he could remember.
{I can't let go
And all I know is then}{I know I need to forgive (forgive)
And hopefully forget
To leave the past behind is
Probably for the best}
But those damn butterflies….
They were still inside of him , flying anywhere they pleased, anywhere around his body, stinging as if they were wasps, so harshly that he thought everything inside him was swelling and it would make him explode.
It was already his third glass of whiskey, but it wasn’t working. Wasn’t alcohol supposed to numb the senses?
Make you forget? Make you think that nothing mattered?
Why wasn’t it working?
He kept swallowing down whiskey, lingering the alcohol in his mouth.
He wanted to forget how he felt for her, feel less.
He longed for drowsiness, oblivion, numbness…
And it had to start from somewhere.
It may as well be his mouth…
The mouth he used to kiss her, to feel her skin, sense her pulse grow faster.
The mouth which had developed a memory of its own, remembering every silky path it had traced on her skin, every kiss of her lips she had allowed.
Their intense lovemaking. Everything was tormenting him, setting him ablaze from within.
She had once told him that even though she adored all of God’s creations, those butterflies that floated inside him?
They had to die.
They had to be murdered.
Her words had stung at first.
It was like telling him that those feelings he had weren’t mutual.
That he was the one whose world had been moved by their chemistry.
It seemed that despite all of their chemical reaction, only his heart was flammable and burn it did.
{I hope your not alright
I hope your not okay
And when you sleep at night
Dream of only pain}
Till he couldn’t control the heat in him and words of fire, words meant to scorch made their way out of his mouth, trying to cause as much damage as they could.
And those butterflies stirred still…
At first he thought that the night would go on like this.
With him a potential butterfly murderer and her far far away.
It was with shock; hence that he saw her coming towards him.
But it wasn’t just seeing her, he could sense her, he would recognize the delicious sweetness of her natural scent anywhere, even through heavy perfumes.
Some piece of his soul broke off again, beginning to move afloat on his chest.
{The cuts I bare are deep and
And all they do is bleed
I wish I could release all
The hurt you've given me
I can't let go
And all I know is then}
Why was she here?
Had she finally seen he was the one for her?
He tried to force himself be calm, serene as if nothing mattered but he couldn’t stay human doing that.
As a human it hurt him too much to act like that.
{I hope your not alright
I hope your not okay
And when you sleep at night
Dream of only pain
I hope your not alright
I hope your not alright
I hope your not alright
I hope your not alright}
End of Part 1
Part Two (Final)
~ Other Chuck/Blair Fiction:
*Letters You Will Never Get-[1][2]
*This Toy Is Broken-[1]
*Bury Me Tonight - [1]
