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yllektraTitle: How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye? - Part 2/2
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
force_oblique
Rating: G, PG
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Blair - mention of other characters
Spoilers/Warnings: It's kind of vague but everything up to 1x13
Word Count: In Progress - This part: 1259
Summary: It is an emotional take on the last scene of Chuck/Blair in episode 1x13
Author's Notes:This is my second Gossip Girl fiction and English is not my native language, so please don't hate me if it sucks!
Dedication: This part is dedicated toghost_goodthing. Thanks for your support sweetie! I put in the song that you love! :D
Part One - HERE
Lyrics: "With This Knife" By Smile Empty Soul
How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye? - Part 2/2
Previously in part 1:
...Instead, he forced an inhuman mask of detachment and coldness across his face.
As if his face had been curved in stone, his eyes cold, so cold onto hers that he hoped it burned her, that it made her feel even a little as awful as she had made him feel.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you}
“I came to congratulate you in person” her bitter words came.
“You destroyed my relationship with Nate...” at that another piece of his soul broke off… Was Nate all she cared about?
Did throwing him into the pits of hell not make a difference in her heartless, chilling world?
He could find nothing to say.
The pain was so unbearable, if he opened his mouth the only thing that would come out , would be a cry, a lamentation, a woe for everything he had lost.
But still, it wasn’t over. Still, she kept throwing words as sharp as nails at him. He had to be carved out of stone to endure them.
{I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down}
“With Serena, all of my friends…” she went on, her chocolate eyes burning into his.
Had she any idea she was dissecting him with surgical accuracy even now?
“Even little Jennie thinks she is too good for me” she said rolling her eyes.
“Did that hurt Blair, did that make you feel worthless, did that make you feel like nothing? Then welcome to my world!” he thought.
At last a little victory for him… Revenge….
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
“So bravo” she exclaimed the irony and sarcasm in her voice, hunting him so much that he could double in pain.
But, no, he could not let her do this to him. He could not let her win each time, taking parts of him with her when she left.
He had to keep something for himself, too.
“Just like you wanted… Now I don’t have anyone to turn to but you..” she concluded.
Did she really think that what he wanted was to destroy her? To turn her into nothing when she was everything to him?
But he had to keep something for himself.
If only those butterflies would stop flying around his insides like vultures waiting for his soul to collapse….
{No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain}
If only they would stop fluttering inside him, trying to make their way out of him…
He couldn’t let her see them, they had to die. He took another gulp of his drink, feeling the liquid burn the back of his throat and all its way down to his stomach…
Those butterflies had to be murdered, she had said so herself.
”So drown you little buggers, drown!”
Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?
But Chuck knew why.
“I have no one to turn to but you” she had said and even now, after everything, despite everything, he could have her back.
But no, he couldn’t do that, knowing he was her last choice, that she had come to him out of necessity rather than love.
{No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain}
Those butterflies had to be put down. He couldn’t do that as Chuck – he was too in love, too altered inside of him, but he could do it as a Bass.
They were born to be heartbreakers. Even then, as she eyed him with disgust, irony he couldn’t look away, he was drawn to her despite his humiliation.
But it had to stop.
He forced himself send his gaze elsewhere.
“Actually, you don’t even have me” his words sounded fake even to him. And he knew it wasn’t working. He hadn’t convinced her yet.
Disbelief, shock even denial flashed though her face as she mouthed “Enough”.
She thought he was lying.
She thought she had him wrapped around her little finger. She was right.
But he had to make her think she was wrong.
To know that he could have her even after everything… “I have no one to turn to but you” her words kept playing in his mind.
But he didn’t want her pity, he wanted her love and if he couldn’t have that, nothing mattered. Nothing counted.
”Let me be more succinct” he cut her off, surprising himself with his urgency.
“You held a certain fascination” he started, her eyes on him made it hard to breathe, but he was a Bass and he was nothing of not a Joker.
”When you were beautiful, delicate and… untouched” She was still eyeing him speechless, his words had started to take effect.
Couldn’t she tell why he used the word untouched?
He meant untouched by another, untouched by anyone but him.
Didn’t she know that the reason he believed in them initially, the reason he was confident he could keep her forever, was because she had allowed him to be her first, her only one?
Didn’t that mean she loved him, despite everything she had been telling him?
Chuck had slept with a lot of girls, but he was the first to none of them.
But Blair was different.
If she had allowed him to be her first, that meant she had feelings for him, right?
Knowing he was the first, the only one who had kissed her neck, who had touched her body and heard her moaning as he made love to her…
{I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down}
Knowing he was the first to know her body in a way no other man had, made him hold hope that they would stay like that forever.
And he would never look at another woman again.
{ can't believe the way you took me down
I never saw the pain
Coming in a million broken miles
Like poison for my veins}
But, then she had shown him that he hadn’t touched her or moved her world even after he had given her everything he had.
His body… his heart… his soul…
He had watched her wrap her arms around Nate, kiss him, let him lead her to the bedroom, touch her, make love to her…
And it made all color leave his face, his blood run cold and it had emptied him.
It felt like dying a thousand times. It had felt like hell..
She didn’t love him anymore, otherwise why would she let him see that?
{No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain}
Yes, at first she was untouched by anyone else.
But not anymore and he had to make her think that this had done the trick.
”But now you are like one of the Arabians my father used to own, rode hard and put away wet” he felt his cheeks turn red even by uttering those words.
He never thought he would be able to say something so horrible and just stand there, watching as the vowels and consonants nailed at her heart.
Well it seemed that there was some evil left inside him after all...
Hard as he tried though, he couldn’t congratulate himself.
There was no victory here, only the chilling emptiness of losing something you have held dear for too long and in the process losing the best part of yourself.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
He glanced at her one last time and then he turned to his drink, his eyes straight ahead.
“I don’t want you anymore. And I can’t see why anyone else would”
He couldn’t bear to look at her now. Even watching her with his peripheral vision, out of the corner of his eye, her desolation, her despair was unmistakable.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
Collecting as much as she could salvage of her dignity, she took her purse and lowering her eyes she went out of the bar.
His heart was screaming to her not to go, not to leave him, not to believe the nonsense he had talked about, but his mind took over and his pride and vanity were the winners of this battle.
How could she think that he didn’t want her anymore?
That he didn’t long for her touch and her love.
The little laugh she gave whenever she was pleased….
But there it was.. Now it was over. Everything was over…
To his soul it felt final…
To his heart detrimental and there was no way to go back after that.
{The hate and the fear
The nightmares that wake me up
In tears
The nightmares and (the hate)...}
“Bass” had done his part of the deal, his work was done.
I felt like working with the devil.
Now it was Chuck’s time to cry, to wallow and he dropped his head in his hands.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
~ Fin ~
Thanks for reading and if you made it this far.... Comments are <333
Other Chuck/Blair Fiction:
* Letters You Will Never Get - [1] [2]
*This Toy Is Broken - [1]
*Bury Me Tonight - [1]
Author:
force_obliqueRating: G, PG
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Chuck/Blair - mention of other characters
Spoilers/Warnings: It's kind of vague but everything up to 1x13
Word Count: In Progress - This part: 1259
Summary: It is an emotional take on the last scene of Chuck/Blair in episode 1x13
Author's Notes:This is my second Gossip Girl fiction and English is not my native language, so please don't hate me if it sucks!
Dedication: This part is dedicated to
ghost_goodthing. Thanks for your support sweetie! I put in the song that you love! :DPart One - HERE
Lyrics: "With This Knife" By Smile Empty Soul
How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye? - Part 2/2
Previously in part 1:
............It was with shock; hence that he saw her coming towards him.
But it wasn’t just seeing her, he could sense her, he would recognize the delicious sweetness of her natural scent anywhere, even through heavy perfumes.
Some piece of his soul broke off again, beginning to move afloat on his chest.
Why was she here?
Had she finally seen he was the one for her?
He tried to force himself be calm, serene as if nothing mattered but he couldn’t stay human doing that.
As a human it hurt him too much to act like that.
...Instead, he forced an inhuman mask of detachment and coldness across his face.
As if his face had been curved in stone, his eyes cold, so cold onto hers that he hoped it burned her, that it made her feel even a little as awful as she had made him feel.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you}
“I came to congratulate you in person” her bitter words came.
“You destroyed my relationship with Nate...” at that another piece of his soul broke off… Was Nate all she cared about?
Did throwing him into the pits of hell not make a difference in her heartless, chilling world?
He could find nothing to say.
The pain was so unbearable, if he opened his mouth the only thing that would come out , would be a cry, a lamentation, a woe for everything he had lost.
But still, it wasn’t over. Still, she kept throwing words as sharp as nails at him. He had to be carved out of stone to endure them.
{I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down}
“With Serena, all of my friends…” she went on, her chocolate eyes burning into his.
Had she any idea she was dissecting him with surgical accuracy even now?
“Even little Jennie thinks she is too good for me” she said rolling her eyes.
“Did that hurt Blair, did that make you feel worthless, did that make you feel like nothing? Then welcome to my world!” he thought.
At last a little victory for him… Revenge….
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
“So bravo” she exclaimed the irony and sarcasm in her voice, hunting him so much that he could double in pain.
But, no, he could not let her do this to him. He could not let her win each time, taking parts of him with her when she left.
He had to keep something for himself, too.
“Just like you wanted… Now I don’t have anyone to turn to but you..” she concluded.
Did she really think that what he wanted was to destroy her? To turn her into nothing when she was everything to him?
But he had to keep something for himself.
If only those butterflies would stop flying around his insides like vultures waiting for his soul to collapse….
{No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain}
If only they would stop fluttering inside him, trying to make their way out of him…
He couldn’t let her see them, they had to die. He took another gulp of his drink, feeling the liquid burn the back of his throat and all its way down to his stomach…
Those butterflies had to be murdered, she had said so herself.
”So drown you little buggers, drown!”
Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?
But Chuck knew why.
“I have no one to turn to but you” she had said and even now, after everything, despite everything, he could have her back.
But no, he couldn’t do that, knowing he was her last choice, that she had come to him out of necessity rather than love.
{No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain}
Those butterflies had to be put down. He couldn’t do that as Chuck – he was too in love, too altered inside of him, but he could do it as a Bass.
They were born to be heartbreakers. Even then, as she eyed him with disgust, irony he couldn’t look away, he was drawn to her despite his humiliation.
But it had to stop.
He forced himself send his gaze elsewhere.
“Actually, you don’t even have me” his words sounded fake even to him. And he knew it wasn’t working. He hadn’t convinced her yet.
Disbelief, shock even denial flashed though her face as she mouthed “Enough”.
She thought he was lying.
She thought she had him wrapped around her little finger. She was right.
But he had to make her think she was wrong.
To know that he could have her even after everything… “I have no one to turn to but you” her words kept playing in his mind.
But he didn’t want her pity, he wanted her love and if he couldn’t have that, nothing mattered. Nothing counted.
”Let me be more succinct” he cut her off, surprising himself with his urgency.
“You held a certain fascination” he started, her eyes on him made it hard to breathe, but he was a Bass and he was nothing of not a Joker.
”When you were beautiful, delicate and… untouched” She was still eyeing him speechless, his words had started to take effect.
Couldn’t she tell why he used the word untouched?
He meant untouched by another, untouched by anyone but him.
Didn’t she know that the reason he believed in them initially, the reason he was confident he could keep her forever, was because she had allowed him to be her first, her only one?
Didn’t that mean she loved him, despite everything she had been telling him?
Chuck had slept with a lot of girls, but he was the first to none of them.
But Blair was different.
If she had allowed him to be her first, that meant she had feelings for him, right?
Knowing he was the first, the only one who had kissed her neck, who had touched her body and heard her moaning as he made love to her…
{I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down}
Knowing he was the first to know her body in a way no other man had, made him hold hope that they would stay like that forever.
And he would never look at another woman again.
{ can't believe the way you took me down
I never saw the pain
Coming in a million broken miles
Like poison for my veins}
But, then she had shown him that he hadn’t touched her or moved her world even after he had given her everything he had.
His body… his heart… his soul…
He had watched her wrap her arms around Nate, kiss him, let him lead her to the bedroom, touch her, make love to her…
And it made all color leave his face, his blood run cold and it had emptied him.
It felt like dying a thousand times. It had felt like hell..
She didn’t love him anymore, otherwise why would she let him see that?
{No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain}
Yes, at first she was untouched by anyone else.
But not anymore and he had to make her think that this had done the trick.
”But now you are like one of the Arabians my father used to own, rode hard and put away wet” he felt his cheeks turn red even by uttering those words.
He never thought he would be able to say something so horrible and just stand there, watching as the vowels and consonants nailed at her heart.
Well it seemed that there was some evil left inside him after all...
Hard as he tried though, he couldn’t congratulate himself.
There was no victory here, only the chilling emptiness of losing something you have held dear for too long and in the process losing the best part of yourself.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
He glanced at her one last time and then he turned to his drink, his eyes straight ahead.
“I don’t want you anymore. And I can’t see why anyone else would”
He couldn’t bear to look at her now. Even watching her with his peripheral vision, out of the corner of his eye, her desolation, her despair was unmistakable.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
Collecting as much as she could salvage of her dignity, she took her purse and lowering her eyes she went out of the bar.
His heart was screaming to her not to go, not to leave him, not to believe the nonsense he had talked about, but his mind took over and his pride and vanity were the winners of this battle.
How could she think that he didn’t want her anymore?
That he didn’t long for her touch and her love.
The little laugh she gave whenever she was pleased….
But there it was.. Now it was over. Everything was over…
To his soul it felt final…
To his heart detrimental and there was no way to go back after that.
{The hate and the fear
The nightmares that wake me up
In tears
The nightmares and (the hate)...}
“Bass” had done his part of the deal, his work was done.
I felt like working with the devil.
Now it was Chuck’s time to cry, to wallow and he dropped his head in his hands.
{With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you}
~ Fin ~
Thanks for reading and if you made it this far.... Comments are <333
Other Chuck/Blair Fiction:
* Letters You Will Never Get - [1] [2]
*This Toy Is Broken - [1]
*Bury Me Tonight - [1]
