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yllektraI guess i should try to write something even remotely interesting but i cant.
apart from a huge mistake i made on Sunday (disclosing which it would be oversharing...) days have been calm and mild and ...boring and a bit of a change for me.
Usually i am the one to live in anxiety and nervousness and everything but the past few days have met with a very calm, zombie-like if you ask me, Kelly.
I don't know why but nothing could touch me. Yes, scary or anxiety-provoking things kept happening(they always do and the always will), but i just could't care..much.
It's not like everything havebeen going "peachy" or anything but i noticed that i exercised some sort of "detachment" which is quite original for me.
I mean i didn't even know what detachment means. Hell, i even cry or get angry with my friends' problems, let alone mine. I just haven't been able to cross a line between myself and the problems of others.
That kinda made me look sympathetic and pleasing to everyone but in reality it was giving me insomnia,depression and a hell of a headache.
I am not sure this "wind" of detachment will last though. Even as i am typing this i worry about my friend and a stupid thing she is about to do.But then again, it's her life right?
I can tell her,advise her and everything...but in the end she will do what SHE thinks right...
I think that living alone (my parents have been away since last Thursday) has been taking a toll on me.Maybe that's why i refuse to feel..intensely. Or maybe it's because i realise that sometimes i feel alone even when i am with other people. Even people i love and i know they love me. That is the scariest thing. Feeling alone even in the company of friends.
I wish there was something really drastic for me to do. Something to make me just burst out, because i can feel the tears making their way just beneath my eyelids but they just don't come out. And God i want them to come out. I need them to come out.
Take care all
~Kelly~
apart from a huge mistake i made on Sunday (disclosing which it would be oversharing...) days have been calm and mild and ...boring and a bit of a change for me.
Usually i am the one to live in anxiety and nervousness and everything but the past few days have met with a very calm, zombie-like if you ask me, Kelly.
I don't know why but nothing could touch me. Yes, scary or anxiety-provoking things kept happening(they always do and the always will), but i just could't care..much.
It's not like everything havebeen going "peachy" or anything but i noticed that i exercised some sort of "detachment" which is quite original for me.
I mean i didn't even know what detachment means. Hell, i even cry or get angry with my friends' problems, let alone mine. I just haven't been able to cross a line between myself and the problems of others.
That kinda made me look sympathetic and pleasing to everyone but in reality it was giving me insomnia,depression and a hell of a headache.
I am not sure this "wind" of detachment will last though. Even as i am typing this i worry about my friend and a stupid thing she is about to do.But then again, it's her life right?
I can tell her,advise her and everything...but in the end she will do what SHE thinks right...
I think that living alone (my parents have been away since last Thursday) has been taking a toll on me.Maybe that's why i refuse to feel..intensely. Or maybe it's because i realise that sometimes i feel alone even when i am with other people. Even people i love and i know they love me. That is the scariest thing. Feeling alone even in the company of friends.
I wish there was something really drastic for me to do. Something to make me just burst out, because i can feel the tears making their way just beneath my eyelids but they just don't come out. And God i want them to come out. I need them to come out.
Take care all
~Kelly~
