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yllektraYep, i managed to write another one. But it probably sucks since i am kinda sick!! But i hope it doesnt! lol
Any comments, or suggestions will be appreciated. :D
Title: Watch aka Random Tragedy
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
force_oblique
Rating: G
Disclaimer:Niki doesnt belong to me, nor would i want to as long as Jessica is "in there" with her! lol j/k
Characters/Pairings: Niki Sanders/ Jessica
Table/Prompt:Table #7, "Watch"
Word Count: 1,585
Summary: Niki's feelings after she surrenders to the police and is placed inside the "white room".
Author's Notes/Warning/Spoilers: It is kinda depressing actually, but since i am a bit sick at the moment..it figures! lol
I think it is not as good as my previous stories but comments will be greatly appreciated! :D
Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
heroes15 challenge, crossposted at heroes15, heroes_fic, niki_peter, heroes_niki
To read the other stories responding to the challenge:Click
Random Tragedy
It feels like time has lost its meaning.
Days go by but she can only tell by the trays of food that come in and out of her room.
She can’t see anything. She can see nothing other that the four white walls of this room. The walls that recently feel as if they are closing in on her, not allowing her space to breathe. She would suffocate soon.
Coughing once more, lying on the floor she wonders if this is the only way.
At first she thought it was.
Hurting her son, her husband… Hurting others for money. Manipulating and using them.
That wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. Not anymore.
Initially she didn’t know. She hadn’t realized what was happening to her, to others due to her…
Just random events, random black outs, random tragedies. Mere coincidences.
Until she started coming to with blood on her hands and bruises on her body…
Feeling dirty and disoriented.
The innocent part if her would be shocked and disgusted at the sight. Why would there be blood on her.? She wasn’t hurt, so it wasn’t her blood.
The not-so-innocent part of her would rejoice at the signs of her actions. Strong, fearless, ruthless.
That was how beasts like her were supposed to act. It was their right, their privilege.
But Niki didn’t want to be a beast anymore.
God knows this isn’t what she wanted. Not at all. All she had wanted was to break free of the tyrant and pervert that was her father and make a life of her own.
Never having to see him again. Never ever seeing the man that familiarized her with the definition of nightmare. Never again.
She felt weak but she knew she had to do it. She knew she could do it.
And she did. She let go of the past and made a new start. When she met D.L. she knew he would change her world forever. He did. He gave her a wonderful son of whom she could only be proud. He was so smart, so intelligent. So out of this world. She could feel that growing up he would be so much more than she had ever dreamed for herself, for him or any other close to her.
She wanted him to be proud of her too.
When she was stripping online for money, she still wanted him to be able to be proud of her. But most importantly she wanted to keep him alive.
All her money went to that purpose. Feeding him, caring for him. Oh how she wanted him to be proud of her. But she knew he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Not after what she had done. Shooting his father, hurting him….
The blonde woman was already on the floor but at that particular moment she felt as if she was reaching for a much lower point. So low that only the “condemned” could sense. Hell was approaching her…. Madness even…
She often wondered what was wrong with her. At first she didn’t realize she was a prisoner inside her own body.
Was it really Jessica taking over? Her dead sister? The only “strong” one in the family?
Could it be her chuckling as she stared down at her own reflection in the glass, unable to speak or move?
Was it Jessica and not Niki the one who lost control? Or did it mean that if she lost control Jessica would take it?
Images of violence repressed and blocked from memory flooded her. Yes! It was her arms punching and maiming other human beings. It was her voice the one escaping her lips in the form of a sinister laughter once someone tried to be smart or fight her back.
But she could see it in her eyes, the same eyes that were coldly and heartlessly staring at her ….No one could ever fight her. Not even herself.
She was helpless.
Trapped inside a mirror, she could only watch as Jessica took over. She could only watch as she emulated her mannerisms, her affection for Micah…
She could only watch as everyone fell prey to that wicked personality.
God knows she had tried to fight back. To take back what was hers!
“This is my life, damn it! This is my body!” she had whispered among her sobs but they were inaudible just like everything she ever said in Jessica’s presence.
She knew she was sick. She felt sick. Even sick to her stomach as every hideous atrocity and crime she had committed as Jessica was revealed.
All those people were dead by her hand. How could anyone do that? How could she have done it?
If she hadn’t known better she would never have believed it. But she knew better. She had snapped out of it, her mind in a haze but her hands bloody, her cheeks red from the rush, her breathing quick and shallow from the excitement.
And then Jessica, the one with no conscience, no remorse suddenly gone and her, Niki, taking over.
The weak one, the sensitive one, the fragile one. The guilty one…
Her punishment perhaps… Her damnation… Eternal, merciless, infinite…
What could she have done? What could she do? She couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t breathe life back into the dead. She couldn’t apologize to the survivors. To the ones left behind.
No! She was weak, useless, insignificant.
And the shooting? Shooting D.L.? Trying to kill him? The father of her child? Or even pushing Micah causing him to hurt?
That was the last drop! She couldn’t take it anymore!
She could only watch as her life became a game at the hands of what could be called as her inner evil twin. She could only watch as she hurt the persons she cared about. But it had to end.
This time she had really tried. She had surrendered herself to the police to pay for what she had done. Both willingly and unwillingly. To stop Jessica or herself from doing any more harm.
She thought she had succeeded. She thought that since she was contained inside these walls, she would finally be able to contain the hideous qualities inside, the evil inside, the malignant half, the tumor named “Jessica”.
Face down on the floor, Niki wasn’t sure she had succeeded in any of these things. All she knew was that she was feeling nauseous from the pills and disoriented. Heavy from the drugs and numb.
But it wasn’t enough!
she could only watch as Jessica intimidated everyone. She could only, watch as Jessica hit and terrorized even the guards.
Everyone was scared of her and she was scared of herself.
She wishes she could break down these walls and be free again. She wishes she could take down Jessica and never have to see her again.
But she was terrified.
She was afraid that breaking down these walls would not automatically break down Jessica inside her mind. That it would be like unleashing her onto the world once more. She is afraid that she will never be free. Not as long as “she” is with her.
All this time she doesn’t know what is real and what is not anymore. She can’t tell them apart. What if it is all in her mind? What if nothing has happened?
What if she is alone? What of it is only her residing in her body and not her “evil twin”?
What if Jessica is just a convenient pretense, an easy lie? What if Jessica doesn’t exist?
What if she has created her to renounce responsibility for her actions? To rid herself of the guilt…What if Jessica is just an alibi?
Niki sighs, the thought not comforting but still more comforting than the one creeping its way inside her mind.
What if it is the other way round? What if it is only Jessica? What if “Niki” doesn’t exist? What if all her memories, all her actions, the people she has grown to love, her whole damn life is just a game Jessica indulges from time to time? Playing nice every once in a while?
What if “Niki” the innocent one is just a façade? A Mask?
And what if Jessica is just a way of her mind to conceal the evil that’s inside? If she is only the tip of the iceberg? With her irony and her cynicism to dampen the effect, mitigate the feelings…
What if she really is a monster, a hideous creature of violence and misery? Could that really be her purpose? Could she solely be an instrument of destruction?
What if she is something so hateful that her subconscious couldn’t even bear to see, if it wasn’t for Jessica, a lesser evil?
Immersed in her thoughts, she barely notices the tears trickling down her cheeks. But they don’t redeem her…
It is almost with despair that she sees the black woman enter her room. She listens to what she is saying, she replies but it’s like she is not even there.
The words escape effortlessly her lips, sealing her fate.
”What I am, you cant fix! Just give me a shot and go away!”
Niki can only watch as the woman goes out. Her heart sinking inside her chest. She sits up and rests her cheek against the wall.
Soon she starts crying but there is no one there to watch, no one there to care…
Just one more random tragedy unfolding itself inside these walls…
~ Fin ~
Any comments, or suggestions will be appreciated. :D
Title: Watch aka Random Tragedy
Author:
force_obliqueRating: G
Disclaimer:Niki doesnt belong to me, nor would i want to as long as Jessica is "in there" with her! lol j/k
Characters/Pairings: Niki Sanders/ Jessica
Table/Prompt:Table #7, "Watch"
Word Count: 1,585
Summary: Niki's feelings after she surrenders to the police and is placed inside the "white room".
Author's Notes/Warning/Spoilers: It is kinda depressing actually, but since i am a bit sick at the moment..it figures! lol
I think it is not as good as my previous stories but comments will be greatly appreciated! :D
Written for
heroes15 challenge, crossposted at heroes15, heroes_fic, niki_peter, heroes_nikiTo read the other stories responding to the challenge:Click
Random Tragedy
It feels like time has lost its meaning.
Days go by but she can only tell by the trays of food that come in and out of her room.
She can’t see anything. She can see nothing other that the four white walls of this room. The walls that recently feel as if they are closing in on her, not allowing her space to breathe. She would suffocate soon.
Coughing once more, lying on the floor she wonders if this is the only way.
At first she thought it was.
Hurting her son, her husband… Hurting others for money. Manipulating and using them.
That wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. Not anymore.
Initially she didn’t know. She hadn’t realized what was happening to her, to others due to her…
Just random events, random black outs, random tragedies. Mere coincidences.
Until she started coming to with blood on her hands and bruises on her body…
Feeling dirty and disoriented.
The innocent part if her would be shocked and disgusted at the sight. Why would there be blood on her.? She wasn’t hurt, so it wasn’t her blood.
The not-so-innocent part of her would rejoice at the signs of her actions. Strong, fearless, ruthless.
That was how beasts like her were supposed to act. It was their right, their privilege.
But Niki didn’t want to be a beast anymore.
God knows this isn’t what she wanted. Not at all. All she had wanted was to break free of the tyrant and pervert that was her father and make a life of her own.
Never having to see him again. Never ever seeing the man that familiarized her with the definition of nightmare. Never again.
She felt weak but she knew she had to do it. She knew she could do it.
And she did. She let go of the past and made a new start. When she met D.L. she knew he would change her world forever. He did. He gave her a wonderful son of whom she could only be proud. He was so smart, so intelligent. So out of this world. She could feel that growing up he would be so much more than she had ever dreamed for herself, for him or any other close to her.
She wanted him to be proud of her too.
When she was stripping online for money, she still wanted him to be able to be proud of her. But most importantly she wanted to keep him alive.
All her money went to that purpose. Feeding him, caring for him. Oh how she wanted him to be proud of her. But she knew he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Not after what she had done. Shooting his father, hurting him….
The blonde woman was already on the floor but at that particular moment she felt as if she was reaching for a much lower point. So low that only the “condemned” could sense. Hell was approaching her…. Madness even…
She often wondered what was wrong with her. At first she didn’t realize she was a prisoner inside her own body.
Was it really Jessica taking over? Her dead sister? The only “strong” one in the family?
Could it be her chuckling as she stared down at her own reflection in the glass, unable to speak or move?
Was it Jessica and not Niki the one who lost control? Or did it mean that if she lost control Jessica would take it?
Images of violence repressed and blocked from memory flooded her. Yes! It was her arms punching and maiming other human beings. It was her voice the one escaping her lips in the form of a sinister laughter once someone tried to be smart or fight her back.
But she could see it in her eyes, the same eyes that were coldly and heartlessly staring at her ….No one could ever fight her. Not even herself.
She was helpless.
Trapped inside a mirror, she could only watch as Jessica took over. She could only watch as she emulated her mannerisms, her affection for Micah…
She could only watch as everyone fell prey to that wicked personality.
God knows she had tried to fight back. To take back what was hers!
“This is my life, damn it! This is my body!” she had whispered among her sobs but they were inaudible just like everything she ever said in Jessica’s presence.
She knew she was sick. She felt sick. Even sick to her stomach as every hideous atrocity and crime she had committed as Jessica was revealed.
All those people were dead by her hand. How could anyone do that? How could she have done it?
If she hadn’t known better she would never have believed it. But she knew better. She had snapped out of it, her mind in a haze but her hands bloody, her cheeks red from the rush, her breathing quick and shallow from the excitement.
And then Jessica, the one with no conscience, no remorse suddenly gone and her, Niki, taking over.
The weak one, the sensitive one, the fragile one. The guilty one…
Her punishment perhaps… Her damnation… Eternal, merciless, infinite…
What could she have done? What could she do? She couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t breathe life back into the dead. She couldn’t apologize to the survivors. To the ones left behind.
No! She was weak, useless, insignificant.
And the shooting? Shooting D.L.? Trying to kill him? The father of her child? Or even pushing Micah causing him to hurt?
That was the last drop! She couldn’t take it anymore!
She could only watch as her life became a game at the hands of what could be called as her inner evil twin. She could only watch as she hurt the persons she cared about. But it had to end.
This time she had really tried. She had surrendered herself to the police to pay for what she had done. Both willingly and unwillingly. To stop Jessica or herself from doing any more harm.
She thought she had succeeded. She thought that since she was contained inside these walls, she would finally be able to contain the hideous qualities inside, the evil inside, the malignant half, the tumor named “Jessica”.
Face down on the floor, Niki wasn’t sure she had succeeded in any of these things. All she knew was that she was feeling nauseous from the pills and disoriented. Heavy from the drugs and numb.
But it wasn’t enough!
she could only watch as Jessica intimidated everyone. She could only, watch as Jessica hit and terrorized even the guards.
Everyone was scared of her and she was scared of herself.
She wishes she could break down these walls and be free again. She wishes she could take down Jessica and never have to see her again.
But she was terrified.
She was afraid that breaking down these walls would not automatically break down Jessica inside her mind. That it would be like unleashing her onto the world once more. She is afraid that she will never be free. Not as long as “she” is with her.
All this time she doesn’t know what is real and what is not anymore. She can’t tell them apart. What if it is all in her mind? What if nothing has happened?
What if she is alone? What of it is only her residing in her body and not her “evil twin”?
What if Jessica is just a convenient pretense, an easy lie? What if Jessica doesn’t exist?
What if she has created her to renounce responsibility for her actions? To rid herself of the guilt…What if Jessica is just an alibi?
Niki sighs, the thought not comforting but still more comforting than the one creeping its way inside her mind.
What if it is the other way round? What if it is only Jessica? What if “Niki” doesn’t exist? What if all her memories, all her actions, the people she has grown to love, her whole damn life is just a game Jessica indulges from time to time? Playing nice every once in a while?
What if “Niki” the innocent one is just a façade? A Mask?
And what if Jessica is just a way of her mind to conceal the evil that’s inside? If she is only the tip of the iceberg? With her irony and her cynicism to dampen the effect, mitigate the feelings…
What if she really is a monster, a hideous creature of violence and misery? Could that really be her purpose? Could she solely be an instrument of destruction?
What if she is something so hateful that her subconscious couldn’t even bear to see, if it wasn’t for Jessica, a lesser evil?
Immersed in her thoughts, she barely notices the tears trickling down her cheeks. But they don’t redeem her…
It is almost with despair that she sees the black woman enter her room. She listens to what she is saying, she replies but it’s like she is not even there.
The words escape effortlessly her lips, sealing her fate.
”What I am, you cant fix! Just give me a shot and go away!”
Niki can only watch as the woman goes out. Her heart sinking inside her chest. She sits up and rests her cheek against the wall.
Soon she starts crying but there is no one there to watch, no one there to care…
Just one more random tragedy unfolding itself inside these walls…
~ Fin ~
