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Title: A Shell Running On Hope
Author:
force_oblique
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Ruby/Dean - mostly Ruby POV
Spoilers/Warnings: All of Ruby-related episodes but mostly 3x09 and 3x11
Word Count: 1617
Summary:Don't tell me you care. Don't tell me you don't want to go to hell. Don't tell me you don't deserve to go to hell! Show me!
Author's Notes:As I have already said, my muse is MIA so this is probably so much worse than what I usually write(which is bad to begin with =D)but I guess angst and violence is always a bit weird to write! lol
~ English is not my native language so excuse any crappiness and/or mistakes!
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to:
[1]
clubinthesky who wanted me to write more Ruby/Winchesters. Hope you like honey. I'm sorry it's not my best.
[2]
ls_silence because she wants to write fiction herself- not SPN but it doesn't matter which fandom.lol Consider this your encouragement Lellie! <33
Lyrics: It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down - Listen (link@john2340)
Thanks to
dryadeh for translating my fic and posting it HERE at@
huntersndemons
Crossposted at:
sn_fic,
supernaturalfic,
spn_ruby,
dean_ruby,
moon_hunters,
daysofthereaper,
deanandruby,
wincest_free,
A Shell Running On Hope - Chapter 1/1 - Complete
{Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and love and all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the currents slowly pulling me down
It's getting harder to breath
It won't be too long and I'll be going under}
It all starts like this. The two of them inside a room... Until he pushes her. Too far...
His eyes turn big, like ponds of liquid fear almost as intoxicating as death.
His heart beating fast inside his chest, his whole body quivering.
Her hand was tight around his neck, feeling the warmth of him against his skin.
Their lips almost touching, she was taking in all the delicious scent of him.
She was strong.
Stronger than he ever was. Stronger than he would possibly ever become, so he couldn't fight back.
But she wanted him to fight back, she needed him to fight back.
Scream, yell, try to scratch her, kick her.
Do anything. Show her that he cares.
Show her that he cares whether he lives or dies.
Show her, prove to her that his life was precious. That it meant something to him.
“Show me” she growls in his ear and she knows he understands because Dean Winchester, as his human self, is a lot of things.
Stupid isn't one of them.
She backs him harder against the wall,their hips almost in contact and she can feel him throbbing underneath her touch.
His breath hitches at the back of his throat and for a second he closes his eyes.
It's probably only a blink, but to Ruby it feels like a lifetime.
Still, a lifetime isn't long enough for her, but it should be enough for him.
She inhales trying to contain herself and it's with effort that her words come out. She is surprised they aren't muffled.
“Is that what you want? Do you really want to die? Just like that? It's the easy way out, isn't it?”
He opens his eyes and she lets go turning her back to him, but she can sense him watching her.
Her words are only mildly harsh, but inside she feels wrath and it is disturbing.
He shouldn't be able to get to her that much.
But, at the same time it is soothing.
It seems there's still humanity in her,losing her temper like this, but maybe it's all make believe.
Maybe it's the proof that she really is a demon, however adulterated her nature has become.
Ruby closes her eyes – wrath is the thing humans and demons have in common, the thing connecting them and maybe it's God's joke.
The next time she opens her eyes they are black.
The color of damnation.
{Can you save me from this
It's not my time,
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know}
Dean is still gasping for breath and pathetic as it is in her demon eyes,at least he is alive, which is more than she can say about herself.
How can a demon as powerful as her can be so jealous of a human as flawed and as weak as he is?
The thought is infuriating and she clenches her fists at her sides.
She wants to plant them in him, in his stomach, his heart where his sick, ungrateful humanity resides, but she holds back.
Suddenly, while she is still with her back to him, Dean hits her.
Maybe it's a chair, maybe it's a stool but all she knows is that it's solid wood and it crumbles against her body.
It doesn't hurt nearly as much as it should, but maybe that's because she is excited again.
There it is!
Humanity. He is fighting...
She turns to look at him and wonders if he can detect the hope in the blackness of her eyes.
Hope is so rare for a demon that she is unsure if she could have really recognized it herself.
“That's my boy! That's a start!” she exclaims.
“Don't call me that. I am not a boy. And I am sure as hell not your boy!” he quips and Ruby knows she has awakened memories of his father she knew he didn't want resurfacing because it was too painful.
Wasn't “boy” what his father used to call him when he was disappointed or when he was pushing him?
A chuckle escapes her lips.
“You know, Dean, you shouldn't use expressions with 'hell' in them. At least not now. You know nothing of hell....yet” she scolds him.
“I know that's where you came from, so it can't be pretty!” he answers her and his pitiful attempt to hurt her is misled.
“No, it's not” she concedes and she knows it's time to make her point.
“Yet you seem so eager to go there. You only have a couple of months and you do nothing to stop it. Find a way out of this. Why is that?” she asks.
His hands around a part of a wooden part of the chair now, he is trying to hit her.
But she catches the makeshift club mid-air, before he gets a chance to use it on her and she throws him back.
Back against the wall.
“I don't want to go to hell! I don't deserve to go to hell”
{I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
All this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have, it's what we believe}
“What are you doing then, huh??" She asks her black eyes burning into his.
She walks closer to him and it's easy to overpower him again and grab him by the throat.
“You make me so mad. You disgust me!” she scowls.
“Do you know how much I've sacrificed?
Do you know how it felt when I died?
When I was ripped out of this world as if my existence, everything I had in this world didn't matter?”
“Do you know how it feels like not to be able to mourn? Not for your death, not for your life, the persons and the things you loved....
{And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
All this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have, it's what we believe}
It feels like ripping your heart out so abruptly that all veins and ligaments are torn, destroyed, so harshly that you get numb from pain.
The pain is so excruciating that you are frozen.
You can't even cry.
The tears are there inside of you, but wont come out.
Instead, they solidify and turn into rock, substituting your insides till you are as stiff and as dead as you are to the world”.
She can almost feel the flood now, threatening to escape her eyes but she blinks it away, hoping that not a single drop of the ink-black venom she calls her tears will trickle down her cheeks.
It's better that way.
“Do you know how that feels, Dean? Do you know what hell feels like? And I don't mean for a moment, when you lose the last “Mars” on the vending machine.
I mean all the frigging time. For all eternity.
And you yell and you scream and you ask every day: 'Is it over yet?' but it never is!
No one knows what 'eternity' is, but I do!
It's every day in hell!”
She hasn't realized she's squeezing that hard but Dean is choking. His face has turned red, beads of sweat on his forehead, veins apparent beneath the skin along his temples and neck.
She loosens her grip to allow him to breathe and he does. With sharp, long, noisy intakes of air he tries to bring his breathing back to normal.
“It's every day in hell” she repeats.
“So, don't tell me you know hell. You know nothing, so don't act all nonchalant and self-righteous with me!
Because I know, you hear me? I've been there. I sold my soul just like you did.
Only I fought back.
I gave a damn! Do you?”
She screams and it feels as if this body, this human shell will give out due to the strain and the intensity of this.
Human bodies were not built to endure demon rage or possession, or even hell and Dean should know that.
“Don't tell me you care. Don't tell me you don't want to go to hell. Don't tell me you don't deserve to go to hell! Show me!!!!!!!” she punches him hard, but not hard enough for him to lose consciousness.
{It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh, It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
Now I know that
This could be the end of me
And everything I know}
“Show me you care. Show me you value your life. That you love your life, your brother. That you enjoy food and the sun, music and making love!!
But not just that, show me you deserve them 'cause anyone not fighting enough for all these things, doesn't deserve them!! Show me!”
And Ruby punches him again but this time he fights back.
He tries to stop her fist before getting to him and he succeeds.
“Don't act like you have given up. You haven't lost yet!
Not until Lucifer himself comes to take you and drags you to hell kicking and screaming, you are not!
You are not defeated.
Don't act like all hope is gone, because it's not.
I should know. I have been running on hope for centuries, for all eternity and a day.
The day on which I escaped.
Because I care.
Because I gave a damn!”
Dean managed to hit her now.
He punches her in the face till she feels her nose crack and blood on her lips.
She tastes it and it's as close to 'alive' as she will ever feel again.
Just a borrowed shell, a stolen life, a lousy substitute, but it's all she has.
And when Dean's last punch -before he burns out himself- has them both landing on the threadbare bed sheet, she laughs hysterically while he moans.
“You are a bitch” he mouths without looking at her.
Ruby isn't looking at him. But she knows a smile when she hears one.
“I better be! I'm a demon”
“But you are not. Not yet. You are still human. You don't want to end up like me.
I don't even want to end up like me. OK? Her voice is more of an order than a request.
“OK” he utters and in that moment Ruby feels as if her borrowed heart has started beating again.
{There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you can see
It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a will in me
Now I know it
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
I won't go}
~ Fin ~
If it wasn't entirely crappy, I'd love a comment! XD
Author:
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Ruby/Dean - mostly Ruby POV
Spoilers/Warnings: All of Ruby-related episodes but mostly 3x09 and 3x11
Word Count: 1617
Summary:Don't tell me you care. Don't tell me you don't want to go to hell. Don't tell me you don't deserve to go to hell! Show me!
Author's Notes:As I have already said, my muse is MIA so this is probably so much worse than what I usually write(which is bad to begin with =D)but I guess angst and violence is always a bit weird to write! lol
~ English is not my native language so excuse any crappiness and/or mistakes!
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to:
[1]
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
[2]
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Lyrics: It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down - Listen (link@john2340)
Thanks to
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
Crossposted at:
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A Shell Running On Hope - Chapter 1/1 - Complete
{Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and love and all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the currents slowly pulling me down
It's getting harder to breath
It won't be too long and I'll be going under}
It all starts like this. The two of them inside a room... Until he pushes her. Too far...
His eyes turn big, like ponds of liquid fear almost as intoxicating as death.
His heart beating fast inside his chest, his whole body quivering.
Her hand was tight around his neck, feeling the warmth of him against his skin.
Their lips almost touching, she was taking in all the delicious scent of him.
She was strong.
Stronger than he ever was. Stronger than he would possibly ever become, so he couldn't fight back.
But she wanted him to fight back, she needed him to fight back.
Scream, yell, try to scratch her, kick her.
Do anything. Show her that he cares.
Show her that he cares whether he lives or dies.
Show her, prove to her that his life was precious. That it meant something to him.
“Show me” she growls in his ear and she knows he understands because Dean Winchester, as his human self, is a lot of things.
Stupid isn't one of them.
She backs him harder against the wall,their hips almost in contact and she can feel him throbbing underneath her touch.
His breath hitches at the back of his throat and for a second he closes his eyes.
It's probably only a blink, but to Ruby it feels like a lifetime.
Still, a lifetime isn't long enough for her, but it should be enough for him.
She inhales trying to contain herself and it's with effort that her words come out. She is surprised they aren't muffled.
“Is that what you want? Do you really want to die? Just like that? It's the easy way out, isn't it?”
He opens his eyes and she lets go turning her back to him, but she can sense him watching her.
Her words are only mildly harsh, but inside she feels wrath and it is disturbing.
He shouldn't be able to get to her that much.
But, at the same time it is soothing.
It seems there's still humanity in her,losing her temper like this, but maybe it's all make believe.
Maybe it's the proof that she really is a demon, however adulterated her nature has become.
Ruby closes her eyes – wrath is the thing humans and demons have in common, the thing connecting them and maybe it's God's joke.
The next time she opens her eyes they are black.
The color of damnation.
{Can you save me from this
It's not my time,
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know}
Dean is still gasping for breath and pathetic as it is in her demon eyes,at least he is alive, which is more than she can say about herself.
How can a demon as powerful as her can be so jealous of a human as flawed and as weak as he is?
The thought is infuriating and she clenches her fists at her sides.
She wants to plant them in him, in his stomach, his heart where his sick, ungrateful humanity resides, but she holds back.
Suddenly, while she is still with her back to him, Dean hits her.
Maybe it's a chair, maybe it's a stool but all she knows is that it's solid wood and it crumbles against her body.
It doesn't hurt nearly as much as it should, but maybe that's because she is excited again.
There it is!
Humanity. He is fighting...
She turns to look at him and wonders if he can detect the hope in the blackness of her eyes.
Hope is so rare for a demon that she is unsure if she could have really recognized it herself.
“That's my boy! That's a start!” she exclaims.
“Don't call me that. I am not a boy. And I am sure as hell not your boy!” he quips and Ruby knows she has awakened memories of his father she knew he didn't want resurfacing because it was too painful.
Wasn't “boy” what his father used to call him when he was disappointed or when he was pushing him?
A chuckle escapes her lips.
“You know, Dean, you shouldn't use expressions with 'hell' in them. At least not now. You know nothing of hell....yet” she scolds him.
“I know that's where you came from, so it can't be pretty!” he answers her and his pitiful attempt to hurt her is misled.
“No, it's not” she concedes and she knows it's time to make her point.
“Yet you seem so eager to go there. You only have a couple of months and you do nothing to stop it. Find a way out of this. Why is that?” she asks.
His hands around a part of a wooden part of the chair now, he is trying to hit her.
But she catches the makeshift club mid-air, before he gets a chance to use it on her and she throws him back.
Back against the wall.
“I don't want to go to hell! I don't deserve to go to hell”
{I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
All this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have, it's what we believe}
“What are you doing then, huh??" She asks her black eyes burning into his.
She walks closer to him and it's easy to overpower him again and grab him by the throat.
“You make me so mad. You disgust me!” she scowls.
“Do you know how much I've sacrificed?
Do you know how it felt when I died?
When I was ripped out of this world as if my existence, everything I had in this world didn't matter?”
“Do you know how it feels like not to be able to mourn? Not for your death, not for your life, the persons and the things you loved....
{And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
All this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have, it's what we believe}
It feels like ripping your heart out so abruptly that all veins and ligaments are torn, destroyed, so harshly that you get numb from pain.
The pain is so excruciating that you are frozen.
You can't even cry.
The tears are there inside of you, but wont come out.
Instead, they solidify and turn into rock, substituting your insides till you are as stiff and as dead as you are to the world”.
She can almost feel the flood now, threatening to escape her eyes but she blinks it away, hoping that not a single drop of the ink-black venom she calls her tears will trickle down her cheeks.
It's better that way.
“Do you know how that feels, Dean? Do you know what hell feels like? And I don't mean for a moment, when you lose the last “Mars” on the vending machine.
I mean all the frigging time. For all eternity.
And you yell and you scream and you ask every day: 'Is it over yet?' but it never is!
No one knows what 'eternity' is, but I do!
It's every day in hell!”
She hasn't realized she's squeezing that hard but Dean is choking. His face has turned red, beads of sweat on his forehead, veins apparent beneath the skin along his temples and neck.
She loosens her grip to allow him to breathe and he does. With sharp, long, noisy intakes of air he tries to bring his breathing back to normal.
“It's every day in hell” she repeats.
“So, don't tell me you know hell. You know nothing, so don't act all nonchalant and self-righteous with me!
Because I know, you hear me? I've been there. I sold my soul just like you did.
Only I fought back.
I gave a damn! Do you?”
She screams and it feels as if this body, this human shell will give out due to the strain and the intensity of this.
Human bodies were not built to endure demon rage or possession, or even hell and Dean should know that.
“Don't tell me you care. Don't tell me you don't want to go to hell. Don't tell me you don't deserve to go to hell! Show me!!!!!!!” she punches him hard, but not hard enough for him to lose consciousness.
{It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh, It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
Now I know that
This could be the end of me
And everything I know}
“Show me you care. Show me you value your life. That you love your life, your brother. That you enjoy food and the sun, music and making love!!
But not just that, show me you deserve them 'cause anyone not fighting enough for all these things, doesn't deserve them!! Show me!”
And Ruby punches him again but this time he fights back.
He tries to stop her fist before getting to him and he succeeds.
“Don't act like you have given up. You haven't lost yet!
Not until Lucifer himself comes to take you and drags you to hell kicking and screaming, you are not!
You are not defeated.
Don't act like all hope is gone, because it's not.
I should know. I have been running on hope for centuries, for all eternity and a day.
The day on which I escaped.
Because I care.
Because I gave a damn!”
Dean managed to hit her now.
He punches her in the face till she feels her nose crack and blood on her lips.
She tastes it and it's as close to 'alive' as she will ever feel again.
Just a borrowed shell, a stolen life, a lousy substitute, but it's all she has.
And when Dean's last punch -before he burns out himself- has them both landing on the threadbare bed sheet, she laughs hysterically while he moans.
“You are a bitch” he mouths without looking at her.
Ruby isn't looking at him. But she knows a smile when she hears one.
“I better be! I'm a demon”
“But you are not. Not yet. You are still human. You don't want to end up like me.
I don't even want to end up like me. OK? Her voice is more of an order than a request.
“OK” he utters and in that moment Ruby feels as if her borrowed heart has started beating again.
{There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you can see
It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
It's not my time
I'm not going
There's a will in me
Now I know it
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
I won't go}
~ Fin ~
If it wasn't entirely crappy, I'd love a comment! XD