Never The Scars - Serena/Blair - 1/1 - PG
Jun. 1st, 2008 12:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yllektraTitle: Never The Scars
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
force_oblique
Rating: G, PG
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the plot, I am just fooling around with them...! :P
Characters/Pairings: Serena/Blair - (Serena POV) mention of Dan,Georgina
Spoilers/Warnings: Serena/Blair relationship but mostly 1x16
Word Count: 1355
Summary: A take on the last Serena/Blair scene in 1x16
Author's Notes:This may suck....but I felt like writing it...XD
Dedication: This fic is dedicated toyourstrulytessa. Serena/Blair is her OTP :D
Lyrics: "After The Devil Beats His Wife" by Emery
Crossposted at:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
serenablair,gossipfic,gossipgirlfic, thespokenaffair
Never The Scars
She knew her steps would lead her there.
Her blond locks impeccable, her shoes stylish, her outfit still in place. It seemed that the only one misplaced was her and her alone.
Like everything she thought was true, was now strangely transformed into something completely alien and unrecognizable.
So yes, she knew her steps would lead her there, behind that door in that luxurious building. Her best friend’s house.
There she stood, unwillingly, quivering and yet more steadily than one could ever expect.
Darkness had fallen all around her, perhaps providing cover but she hardly felt covered or protected because that darkness almost matched the one she knew was running through her veins.
Serena could feel her whole body shaking, her lower lip trembling as if she had the fever and maybe she did.
Maybe she was burning up from the inside.
She always knew her mistakes would catch up with her somehow, someday because you can only escape yourself for so long.
It felt as if each and every sin was a flame inside of her, contained on its own, but when the sins accumulated; those flames started devouring her, rendering her hollow inside, blackened, charred even.
{You trust too much in my bravery.
It's my safety you are taking.}
As if any beauty she may have harbored within, had either fled her horrified or had been marred and distorted beyond recognition.
And like this, ablaze and fragmented she made her way to the only safe haven she knew.
It all seemed surreal to her, the way Georgina found her again, bringing with her all the horrible memories of a past she wanted to leave behind.
Oh yes! It seemed surreal even to her and she had seen almost everything…definitely more than any girl her age was supposed to see or endure.
Serena knew she had been misled. She also knew that even though she was young she couldn’t blame it all on her inexperience or naivety.
Of course, it did matter that she was only a teenager and that that by definition meant that she was impressionable, open to everything new, easy to manipulate…
But just because she didn’t know any better, it didn’t mean that she should live without a conscience or shame.
Because a conscience, virtue is something you are born with…it’s not something you acquire with age…And Serena feared she was devoid of.
She couldn’t help the tears that kept rolling down her cheeks the same way she couldn’t help the guilt resurfacing from a place inside of her she thought was safe.
But it seemed that nothing was safe anymore.
{And now I know, this is the pain of believing.
The danger is real and there is no easy way out.
How did I get here?
You trust too much in my bravery.
It's my safety you are taking.}
Not with Georgina around! She was the big dark cloud looming over her, threatening to engulf her and everything she held dear.
Threatening to become the black mist that separated her from the people she loved.
After the truth came out, who would still love her and care for her?
Who would still think she is Serena Van Der Woodsen, a good person?
Would Blair still accept her? After everything?
Would she find it in her heart to forgive her when she would tell her that not only did she sleep with her boyfriend but she was also responsible for the death of another person?
{You want to swim in the river
I want to dance in the summer
You've always been the believer,
I'm always left to wonder.
The water's rushing so fast
I think it will take us under}
Just how big Blair’s heart really was?
Serena held hope that it was big enough for her, big enough to embrace her despite everything….
She stepped in the elevator. Blair’s voice was sleepy and surprised to hear her this late.
Like a zombie she walked in the house till she saw Blair coming towards her.
“Blair?” she whispered, a whisper as broken as herself.
“Serena? What are you doing here? It’s late” Blair asked her not able to understand why she would visit her this late.
She couldn’t find it in herself to speak.
She lowered her eyes and let her tears fall down harder. Why couldn’t it be easy? Why couldn’t be that it was all obvious on her face?
She didn’t feel strong enough to utter those words.
To look her in the eye after everything she had done and talk to her…
Whatever Blair read in her face, didn’t put her worries to rest. Instead she gasped.
“Oh my God! What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Talk to me!” she urged her after a few moments of complete silence but the sound of her sobbing.
Blair’s eyes held a radiance, her heart emanated warmth, a pleasant, inviting warmth but still she couldn’t speak.
What if everything was lost after this? What if her safe heaven never accepted her back again?
{But I reach and find your hands in mine.
And I say, "You will be saved!"
I pull and I pull and I pull.
But your foot is anchored deep.
Your face tells me you won't be freed.}
“I can’t!” Serena insisted.
“Of course you can!” she protested. Honesty resounding in her voice.
{You trust too much in my bravery.
It's my safety you are taking.}
But Serena knew her limitations. She couldn’t do this to her.
She couldn’t hurt her even more.
If she hadn’t already lost Blair’s respect after sleeping with her boyfriend what told her that she could avoid it now?
What could ever convince her that Blair’s understanding could transcend death?
{We are going to drown in the river.
I cannot swim any farther.
My blood is pumping so fast to my heart and limbs
underwater.}
“No, B! This is the one thing I can’t tell you. I can’t tell anyone!”
“No, I can’t, because then that’d make you a part of it and you can’t be a part of this!”
{I decided long ago never let your loved ones know
who you really are.
People want the truth but never want the scars.}
Making her a part of this, a part of this terrible secret that almost cost her her sanity and self-respect, would be unforgivable.
Something a friend shouldn’t do to another.
Blair’s face shone with concern and agitation.
“What are you talking about? You are starting to scare me! “
Scare you, Blair? Then welcome to my world, B! I scare myself too.
I never knew what I was capable of but I do now! I could kill and let it just slide. I could leave and try to pretend that it never happened.
And even though I feel guilty every day and every night, it still isn’t enough to redeem me!
Nothing ever will. I am just lost and scarred forever…
But Blair, you are not giving up. Oh god you are not giving up on me!
“Hey, hey, hey we are sisters! You are my family. What is you, is me!” Blair said…
No Blair don’t say that! You could never do what I did! You were always stronger than me! More fearless than me…you never gave up and the only time you did, ll it took was holding you in my arms to brace yourself again.
But I can’t do it. I cannot!!
Serena wanted to scream those words to her but instead she kept silent and just nodded ‘no’.
“Blair, you wouldn’t understand. Don’t ask this of me. Don’t ask me to risk losing you. The only good, reliable person in my life who has always accepted me no matter what. I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you!
“There’s nothing that you could ever say to make me let go. I love you!!
”I love you too! God knows I love you like a sister, like a soul mate, like the sole good thing in my life, but don’t ask me to do that!
{I decided long ago never let your loved ones know
who you really are.
People want the truth but never want the scars.
And now I'm here with my best friend dying.
And I'm the one that's still lying.
And you say it's going to be okay.
Over and over again.}
But Blair kept asking and Serena could not take it anymore.
She knew that people want the truth.
People want the truth.
People deserve the truth.
Especially the people we love.
But the truth is tricky.
Though we have grown to understand that nothing is ever black and white but there are several shades of gray in between, in time everyone grasps that the truth is always either black or white…It’s our minds that apply the filter to make it appear gray.
It’s our own rationalizations…
So yes, no matter the complications, people want the truth.
The ultimate truth.
But never want the scars.
Never the scars that go with it.
And Serena is afraid that she won’t be able to accept any more scars.
She is afraid she will have to carry the burden and the shame alone because no one else will agree to share them.
But there’s hardly any room left on her face, in her heart, in her soul for more scars.
No more space for truth to leave its ugly marks….
And she is still alone and always will be.
Because people want the truth but never want the scars.
Never the scars….
{I decided long ago never let your loved ones know
who you really are.
People want the truth but never want the scars.
...And I'm the one that's still lying.
And you say it's going to be okay.
Over and over again.}
~ Fin ~
If you liked this, other fiction:
*Letters You Will Never Get-[1][2]
*This Toy Is Broken-[1]
*How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye - [1] [2]
*Bury Me Tonight - [1]
*The Path That Leads To You - [1]
*Lover Left Bleeding - [1]
Author:
force_obliqueRating: G, PG
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the plot, I am just fooling around with them...! :P
Characters/Pairings: Serena/Blair - (Serena POV) mention of Dan,Georgina
Spoilers/Warnings: Serena/Blair relationship but mostly 1x16
Word Count: 1355
Summary: A take on the last Serena/Blair scene in 1x16
Author's Notes:This may suck....but I felt like writing it...XD
Dedication: This fic is dedicated to
yourstrulytessa. Serena/Blair is her OTP :DLyrics: "After The Devil Beats His Wife" by Emery
Crossposted at:
serenablair,gossipfic,gossipgirlfic, thespokenaffairNever The Scars
She knew her steps would lead her there.
Her blond locks impeccable, her shoes stylish, her outfit still in place. It seemed that the only one misplaced was her and her alone.
Like everything she thought was true, was now strangely transformed into something completely alien and unrecognizable.
So yes, she knew her steps would lead her there, behind that door in that luxurious building. Her best friend’s house.
There she stood, unwillingly, quivering and yet more steadily than one could ever expect.
Darkness had fallen all around her, perhaps providing cover but she hardly felt covered or protected because that darkness almost matched the one she knew was running through her veins.
Serena could feel her whole body shaking, her lower lip trembling as if she had the fever and maybe she did.
Maybe she was burning up from the inside.
She always knew her mistakes would catch up with her somehow, someday because you can only escape yourself for so long.
It felt as if each and every sin was a flame inside of her, contained on its own, but when the sins accumulated; those flames started devouring her, rendering her hollow inside, blackened, charred even.
{You trust too much in my bravery.
It's my safety you are taking.}
As if any beauty she may have harbored within, had either fled her horrified or had been marred and distorted beyond recognition.
And like this, ablaze and fragmented she made her way to the only safe haven she knew.
It all seemed surreal to her, the way Georgina found her again, bringing with her all the horrible memories of a past she wanted to leave behind.
Oh yes! It seemed surreal even to her and she had seen almost everything…definitely more than any girl her age was supposed to see or endure.
Serena knew she had been misled. She also knew that even though she was young she couldn’t blame it all on her inexperience or naivety.
Of course, it did matter that she was only a teenager and that that by definition meant that she was impressionable, open to everything new, easy to manipulate…
But just because she didn’t know any better, it didn’t mean that she should live without a conscience or shame.
Because a conscience, virtue is something you are born with…it’s not something you acquire with age…And Serena feared she was devoid of.
She couldn’t help the tears that kept rolling down her cheeks the same way she couldn’t help the guilt resurfacing from a place inside of her she thought was safe.
But it seemed that nothing was safe anymore.
{And now I know, this is the pain of believing.
The danger is real and there is no easy way out.
How did I get here?
You trust too much in my bravery.
It's my safety you are taking.}
Not with Georgina around! She was the big dark cloud looming over her, threatening to engulf her and everything she held dear.
Threatening to become the black mist that separated her from the people she loved.
After the truth came out, who would still love her and care for her?
Who would still think she is Serena Van Der Woodsen, a good person?
Would Blair still accept her? After everything?
Would she find it in her heart to forgive her when she would tell her that not only did she sleep with her boyfriend but she was also responsible for the death of another person?
{You want to swim in the river
I want to dance in the summer
You've always been the believer,
I'm always left to wonder.
The water's rushing so fast
I think it will take us under}
Just how big Blair’s heart really was?
Serena held hope that it was big enough for her, big enough to embrace her despite everything….
She stepped in the elevator. Blair’s voice was sleepy and surprised to hear her this late.
Like a zombie she walked in the house till she saw Blair coming towards her.
“Blair?” she whispered, a whisper as broken as herself.
“Serena? What are you doing here? It’s late” Blair asked her not able to understand why she would visit her this late.
She couldn’t find it in herself to speak.
She lowered her eyes and let her tears fall down harder. Why couldn’t it be easy? Why couldn’t be that it was all obvious on her face?
She didn’t feel strong enough to utter those words.
To look her in the eye after everything she had done and talk to her…
Whatever Blair read in her face, didn’t put her worries to rest. Instead she gasped.
“Oh my God! What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Talk to me!” she urged her after a few moments of complete silence but the sound of her sobbing.
Blair’s eyes held a radiance, her heart emanated warmth, a pleasant, inviting warmth but still she couldn’t speak.
What if everything was lost after this? What if her safe heaven never accepted her back again?
{But I reach and find your hands in mine.
And I say, "You will be saved!"
I pull and I pull and I pull.
But your foot is anchored deep.
Your face tells me you won't be freed.}
“I can’t!” Serena insisted.
“Of course you can!” she protested. Honesty resounding in her voice.
{You trust too much in my bravery.
It's my safety you are taking.}
But Serena knew her limitations. She couldn’t do this to her.
She couldn’t hurt her even more.
If she hadn’t already lost Blair’s respect after sleeping with her boyfriend what told her that she could avoid it now?
What could ever convince her that Blair’s understanding could transcend death?
{We are going to drown in the river.
I cannot swim any farther.
My blood is pumping so fast to my heart and limbs
underwater.}
“No, B! This is the one thing I can’t tell you. I can’t tell anyone!”
“No, I can’t, because then that’d make you a part of it and you can’t be a part of this!”
{I decided long ago never let your loved ones know
who you really are.
People want the truth but never want the scars.}
Making her a part of this, a part of this terrible secret that almost cost her her sanity and self-respect, would be unforgivable.
Something a friend shouldn’t do to another.
Blair’s face shone with concern and agitation.
“What are you talking about? You are starting to scare me! “
Scare you, Blair? Then welcome to my world, B! I scare myself too.
I never knew what I was capable of but I do now! I could kill and let it just slide. I could leave and try to pretend that it never happened.
And even though I feel guilty every day and every night, it still isn’t enough to redeem me!
Nothing ever will. I am just lost and scarred forever…
But Blair, you are not giving up. Oh god you are not giving up on me!
“Hey, hey, hey we are sisters! You are my family. What is you, is me!” Blair said…
No Blair don’t say that! You could never do what I did! You were always stronger than me! More fearless than me…you never gave up and the only time you did, ll it took was holding you in my arms to brace yourself again.
But I can’t do it. I cannot!!
Serena wanted to scream those words to her but instead she kept silent and just nodded ‘no’.
“Blair, you wouldn’t understand. Don’t ask this of me. Don’t ask me to risk losing you. The only good, reliable person in my life who has always accepted me no matter what. I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you!
“There’s nothing that you could ever say to make me let go. I love you!!
”I love you too! God knows I love you like a sister, like a soul mate, like the sole good thing in my life, but don’t ask me to do that!
{I decided long ago never let your loved ones know
who you really are.
People want the truth but never want the scars.
And now I'm here with my best friend dying.
And I'm the one that's still lying.
And you say it's going to be okay.
Over and over again.}
But Blair kept asking and Serena could not take it anymore.
She knew that people want the truth.
People want the truth.
People deserve the truth.
Especially the people we love.
But the truth is tricky.
Though we have grown to understand that nothing is ever black and white but there are several shades of gray in between, in time everyone grasps that the truth is always either black or white…It’s our minds that apply the filter to make it appear gray.
It’s our own rationalizations…
So yes, no matter the complications, people want the truth.
The ultimate truth.
But never want the scars.
Never the scars that go with it.
And Serena is afraid that she won’t be able to accept any more scars.
She is afraid she will have to carry the burden and the shame alone because no one else will agree to share them.
But there’s hardly any room left on her face, in her heart, in her soul for more scars.
No more space for truth to leave its ugly marks….
And she is still alone and always will be.
Because people want the truth but never want the scars.
Never the scars….
{I decided long ago never let your loved ones know
who you really are.
People want the truth but never want the scars.
...And I'm the one that's still lying.
And you say it's going to be okay.
Over and over again.}
~ Fin ~
If you liked this, other fiction:
*Letters You Will Never Get-[1][2]
*This Toy Is Broken-[1]
*How Many Butterflies Can Fit In A Goodbye - [1] [2]
*Bury Me Tonight - [1]
*The Path That Leads To You - [1]
*Lover Left Bleeding - [1]
